The eros of lesbian fashion

On lesbian horniness, well dressed

You can count on me to meander right into the middle of a heated debate, with a cheeky grin.

One of the latest: Do lesbians get turned on by wearing men’s clothing and, does this signify an autoandrophilic paraphilia in women?

The answer to part 1 - yes

The answer to part 2 - no

Let’s not pretend that lesbianism is all about cuddles, warm herbal tea, and long conversations. We are sexual, not just cozy.

Perhaps the only thing lesbians love more than clothing is arguing about clothing. There are many lesbian styles. The plaid flannel. The Birkenstocks. Doc Martin boots. Timberland boots. Femmes in curve-enhancing dresses. A well-tailored suit. The plain white T-shirt. Classic Levi 501 button-fly jeans. Is there a favourite of yours I’m missing?

I have a thing for shoes and boots. I love my well-broken-in Blundstones. My delicious lace-up dress boots of burnt orange leather with just the right amount of patina. A handsome pair of wingtip oxfords.

Photo by Greyson Joralemon on Unsplash

I once found a men’s suit jacket in a thrift store that fit like it was made for me and only me. Did I get a “sexual charge” when wearing it? Yes. Yes I did.

I might need a shower after writing this post.

But, this sexual charge is not about “desiring myself as a man” - The definition of autoandrophilia, the equivalent to autogynephila, a man’s propensity to be aroused by the thought of being a woman.

One of the things I’ve learned about my own sexuality is the extent to which it is about being FEMALE, no matter how masculine presenting. I enjoy pushing the limits of my masculine appearance, up until “bottom surgery”. As soon as I had masculinizing genital surgery, I became acutely aware of how much my sexuality, and masculinity, has nothing at all to do with wanting to be a man. I’m sure glad I didn’t get a phalloplasty, only to learn this lesson in the worst way possible.

Likewise, ask any femme who gets weak in the knees for a butch, it’s not at all about desiring men. Even when a butch passes as male, the desire for the butch is about the butch not being a man. The femmes I’ve known and have been in relationships with have told me that one of their biggest thrills is the undressing of the butch - a heightening of vulnerability and intimacy. A private access to a womanhood that’s often often guarded from public view. An intimacy earned and sacred.

I am probably inviting several days of angry tweets by stating this.

My well-fitted suit jacket. Heavy, with handsome lines. It contained nothing of manliness. It contained butch. It was the yang to the yin of the women I desire. An erotic tension between women. A tango.

One of the small things I learned in Queer Theory studies that wasn’t total bullshit is the power of symbolism in lesbian desire. Lesbian clothing is symbolic. It’s coded. “The phallus”, for the lesbian, is not a penis. Often represented through clothing, it’s a symbol of sexual potency. The confidence of a lover. The anticipation of sex with another woman. A mating dance unique to us. A woman with peacock feathers. Courtship. Seduction. A clear sign that men are not required and need not apply.

To a large extent, lesbian coding of appearances was born of necessity. There aren’t many lesbians. Without lesbian bars. Before lesbian dating apps. How were we to find and recognize one another, in a sea of non lesbians?

Our erotic coding is starkly different from paraphilic arousal. Autogynephilia is self-desire. If there is a female equivalent - autoandrophila - it wouldn’t apply to lesbians. An “auto” sexuality is an inversion of attraction. Only a man attracted to women can experience an inverted desire for himself as a woman. It therefore follows that, for a woman to have auto-ANDRO-philia, she’d have to be attracted to men. If she then sought out sexual partners to validate her manliness, chasing after lesbians, even highly feminine ones, would make about as much sense as feathers on a goat. Lesbians don’t desire men of any kind.

This confuses the dudes, doesn’t it? I’m told all the time that I can’t call myself a lesbian because I look like a man. And it short circuits their brains to consider that any lesbian could be attracted to a transman, or a passing butch, but not them. For them, it’s all appearances. A beard is just a beard. Therefore, in their minds, if a lesbian doesn’t like a bearded man, she can’t possibly desire a bearded lesbian. Lesbian desire isn’t that shallow. This is something a man can’t understand, and why he can never be a lesbian, no matter what he wears.

Cry somewhere else dudes.

Lesbians wear it better.