I’m not going to fight this.
Stone Butch Disco - Ending our relationship with Aaron Kimberly
There was a time when this sort of thing would have devastated me. I’m surprised by my sense of peace.
I feel clear-headed. I’m no longer deceived by masks. Not those of others. More importantly, not my own. I’m not willing to hide my face anymore.
When people aren’t ready to remove their masks, they project fear and rage.
I feel neither. I’m ready to face myself. I started that work when I started to detransition. I’m committed to healing and changing. The gift of cancellation is rock bottom, from where I leaned into my faith and my good friends, who have neither condemned me, nor let me off the hook for my worst mistakes. I’ve been rebuilding from nothing. My personal life is now simple, and good. My dad and I have repaired years of conflict and are now very close. I’m rediscovering things that bring me joy, like painting. I’m planning my future, like going back to school.
Political life feels contrary to my commitment to heal. Activism requires lies. Cover-ups. Manipulation. Gaslighting. Betrayals. Inauthenticity. There’s no love, nor friendship in politics. I’ve hurt people I love by being a politician.
I’m not willing to do this anymore. It’s out of alignment with my values and my commitment to heal. I’ve spent far too much of my life not choosing myself, at great cost to myself and others. Any harm I’ve done to others is because I first harmed myself. I imagine the reversal is true. Making amends to others starts with making amends to myself. I noticed that the quality of my relationships declined when I transitioned, not because of physical changes but because of the social and psychological ones. We can’t deceive ourselves and expect good relationships. I can’t reverse all of the physical changes, but I am reversing the social and psychological ones. I’m going to keep going on this path.
I’m going to end my political path.
There’s a war going on around me. But the war with myself is over.
If there are grievances, bring them to me. I’ll listen. But don’t come wearing a mask.
My daughter has been wearing this mask- FTM- we are in year 6. You have been a hero to me for years. Thank you for this deeply moving post- I feel joy for you and hold onto hope for all those still in masks.
I don’t know what actually happened but it sure is immature of the people you were associated with to publicly post what they did. I don’t know any of you, so it felt wrong to be reading a pretty vague but highly-private outline of whatever relational issues and events caused you all to part ways.
What they wrote is at once too specific but not specific enough, certainly not anyone else’s business, and not protecting anyone involved because readers can figure out who the players are in this situation; this is the internet ffs. But it’s pretty obvious that they blame you for everything.
The only purpose it serves is to say “We are ‘good people’ that think Aaron is not, and we need you to suspect we are right…” when they could have just left the hearsay character assassination out of it.
Considering that these kind people confessed to spending time trying to help you find support for your mental health, you would think that it might occur to them that coming online and shit talking you before a jury of your peers might not be a great idea?
On the plus side, it’s nice to see dyke drama again, even if you all can’t agree on butch/femme, which topics to focus on, what constitutes abuse, timelines for creating content, etc.
And honestly, just how mentally healthy we can expect ANY lesbians having these conversations to be considering 95% of lesbians in the west have he/him-he/they-she/they-and-they/them’d themselves into oblivion for the last 20 years?
I do feel a bit of catharsis over the fact that Dyke Drama is evergreen. Lol. Sorry these guys are out there saying you’re horrible. I hope it’s not true, and even if it is true, that post was truly pointless and not helpful. Lol